Now for something lighter

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It’s a slow news day, as they say, here at Borrowing Bones (though in truth the ongoing distress of Haiti remains very relevant news for us all). So I thought this might be a good time for something lighter. A good time to make something clear.

I am Al Doerksen’s sister. 

Although we lived in the same city for many years, I still meet people now and then, as does he, who know us separately but don’t realize we’re siblings. If I had kept my maiden name along with my married one back in 1974 when a certain Mr. Dueck and I tied the knot, our common paternity would have been much more easily discerned by all practitioners of the deliciously satisfying Mennonite game, whereby people ferret out one’s biological connections in order to form their opinion of you quickly, thereby saving considerable time and energy in getting to know you. But I suppose “Dora Doerksen Dueck” felt like just too many D’s in a row at the time, and so it is that I’m now routinely queried about any number of Duecks to whom I could be related (but am not) and never asked if I’m Al Doerksen’s sister (not to mention John’s, Norm’s, or Vic’s).

Well, I’m proud of the fact, and though we had our squirmishes as first and second born, and though my attempts to oust him as ruler of what would eventually be a sizable kingdom of siblings were completely unsuccessful, even when I enlisted the help of the brothers who came after me, I appreciate and enjoy him immensely. I’m proud too of the work he’s done over the years, especially in development, and currently as CEO of International Development Enterprises. (Their development entry point is water.) Since he’s spent time with Bill Gates, whose foundation gave IDE a hefty grant, I can also bask in a two-degrees-away brush with celebrity.

As proof of our long sibling bond, I offer the following photo from our childhood. Cast into the hard world we were, poor little things, so tattered and wretched, knowing we had to be there for the other or all might be lost. Should I ever run for president I will also use this photo as proof of hardscrabble beginnings, of how I pulled myself up by dint of no lies and lots of work — you know the drill — and of course with the precious encouragements of all my Beloveds, who would say inspiring things like, it doesn’t matter the rags, my dear, you shall have something that resembles a sailor suit someday. Yes, there are also photos of us lovely in such outfits, prairie children far from the sea, but clearly arrived in one good port or another, taking turns at the oars no doubt, still as sweet and solicitous as we could be.

But the sailor suits shall be saved for another slow day. 🙂

A movie that did the work of a sermon

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It’s not often that a movie does the work of a sermon for me — the work a sermon may do, that is, of linking text/truth to some situation in my life and touching it with compassion, perhaps, or conviction.In this case it was conviction, and the movie was “Up in the Air.” 

Natalie Keener (Anna Kendrick) and Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) in Up in the Air

“Up in the Air” is a charming, thoughtful film about Ryan Bingham (George Clooney), who is constantly flying around the country doing his job as a employment termination specialist — he fires people — and whose personal goal it is to accumulate ten million frequent flyer miles. His lifestyle doesn’t allow time for settling down, not to mention long-term relationships, but he doesn’t really mind. In fact, Ryan also does gigs as a motivational speaker, helping people become freer, more unfettered, as he is. The metaphor he uses is that of a backpack, too stuffed with material possessions, too full of people. A backpack that needs to be burned, or emptied at least.

As the story unfolds, Bingham’s philosophy is challenged by people who demand his reluctant attention, and by an affair premised on his own ideas which reveals its true emptiness when he finds himself falling in love. 

The day H. and I went to the movie had been a busy one, a day in which I’d felt the backpack of obligations pulling heavily on my shoulders. I’ve gotten better over the years at discerning what to say Yes to, and better at saying No, but it’s not always the planned involvements and thought-through lists of our lives that get us down. It’s the things we haven’t planned that derail us. When I was a young mom, for example, it was the unexpected exigencies of children’s lives that could upset a nicely considered schedule again and again.

Now I’m in that swelling demographic of women who find themselves looking after elderly parents. Not looking after in a live-in situation, perhaps, but very much on call for driving, shopping, cleaning, decision-making, and so on. As anyone in this situation knows, there’s nothing predicatable about the lives of the elderly either. 

Whenever our obligations overwhelm us, the easiest reaction is frustration with the people who adhere to them. It is they, rather than the tasks, who seem to be hurting our shoulders. And the easiest solution, at least Bingham’s in “Up in the Air,” appears to involve taking distance from those people. But, as he discovers, that’s a pretty lonely place to land. And driving home from the movie, it hit me squarely. The people in my backpack aren’t the problem. As I trace the web of my relationships, in fact, I see that they’re the source of so much of my life’s value and joy. 

The challenge of how to balance the competing demands of my life probably won’t go away. When the kids were small, it involved constant negotiation, inner and outer, between the obligations imposed by their existence and my (then tiny and seed-like) sense of a call to write. And the negotiation never seemed to end, at any stage, and is still going on, now, in figuring out how to best to fulfill my vocation and take care of these other responsibilities too. 

“Up in the Air” clarified my thinking, re-oriented my heart. I realized anew what’s non-negotiable. It really was as good as a sermon. So maybe this week I can skip church. (Just kidding, Pastor Dan.)

For the people of Haiti

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Last evening, at a gathering of the regional Mennonite-Catholic Dialogue (a group of six Mennonites and six Catholics which meets several times a year), John Long of the host parish led us in a prayer for the people of Haiti that he had adapted from Edward Hays’ Prayers for the Domestic Church (1979). It was deeply meaningful to gather up in prayer the many responses and emotions we feel as we try to absorb the news. John gladly gave me permission to share some excerpts here, from “Prayer upon Hearing of a Death.”

Blessed are You, Lord our God,
     who are the keeper of the Book of Life. 
This week we have learned of the death of many in Haiti
     and, as this type of news always does,
     it comes as a shock.
We know, Lord, that we all must die,
     and that You alone keep the dates of our death
     within Your Book of Life,
     but we still share the shock of death.
 That news carries with it the shadow of fear,
     for it is a reminder that, someday, we too shall die.
Today, then, we pray for all these
     who have passed through the doorway of death,
     and we pray for ourselves as well.
We remember in our prayer
     the members of the families
     who surely are lost in sorrow at this time.
Support them with Your Holy Spirit
     and grant them the courage to embrace this tragic mystery…. 

May we best remember these men,
     women, and children unknown to us
     by being grateful for life today
     and by loving You, our God,
     with all our heart, strength, and mind.
Lord, grant eternal rest to all who have died,
and divine consolation to all of the surviving families.

Blessed are You, Lord our God,
Keeper of the Book of Life. Amen.